Captivity

I wake up in the morning waiting for the day to end

I would give just about anything to be able to break or bend

these rules and restrictions called space and time

as I lay in this bed steady losing my mind

It is beyond the point of having days left to go

instead its bundles of 24 hours and they go so slow

and I feel every one of them as my contemption grows

watching out the window as no redemption shows

My very own mind has become a prison cell

these four walls and this bed have become my hell

time and time again I think of breaking out

but I'm constantly reminded of all the inmates that have been taken out

So instead I find my solace in thinking of you

the thought of seeing you again is what's getting me through but its a double edged sword, dreaming of your touch

because i dont have you my soul must bare the cuts

This isn't a word on love but of a torn and battered spirit

but of course when one is in love, others can't help but feel it

this is more a cry for help to find what I have lost

although I can't say what it looks like, what it does, or what it costs.

So who has the patience to walk with mw, talk with me, remind me who I'm supposed to be, show me how it feels to be free since i can't find these things in me, I just lay in my cell all day long, watching the fanblades singing my song, and I feel like i'm the little ball thats in pong, helpless to better myself. Thrown here and there no end in sight, should I escape they just put me right where I just came from yelling "don't move scum" but then impel me to be thrown here and there. And it goes on like this until the players get bored. They move on to have fun and I go back to the ward, to my very own packaging where I will safely be stored until they need me again because some more players are bored. So here i come towards the board but I don't know what for or what's the score or whats in store after August fourth. I'm losing sight of my goal I'm becoming blind as a mole. Or is it a bat? I just feel ready to pack my life away like I'm becoming a rat that you can dress up in some shoes and a hat , and if you stay long enough I might just do a tap dance just for you, now don't you feel special? And then you can go on about your day but still my flesh will continue to tighten up as its trying to shut me up and I start to feel like what the fuck am I doing just close the book or else you might just learn how to read

I'm not quite sure what I've been talking about and if you asked me to, I don't think that i could recount. I just sit with a pen and paper and things start to spout, I'm sure eventually I'll know what this was about, but for now I'll just say peace y'all i'm out.

Confusion

To be torn in the mind to a point where one goes blind where once the sun did shine and it wasn’t hard to find whatever one was looking for but then all of a sudden there’s a quake there goes the floor. Then you’re left in the wake of your unknown mistake as you drown in your lake of self loathing. Can’t breathe can’t see where am I going? Can’t hear speak as the hatred is growing, nothing to do but watch as my heart just keeps slowing until it is at a dangerous pace. Searching desperately for a friendly face, someone who will come get me out of this place but none arrive I am left by myself to survive and with only my own mind to contrive the way to revive my former livelihood. But my sense is already shook at this point I can’t determine a friend from a crook so I shoot them both and keep walking to where? I don’t know but I know that that’s where I will go somewhere where there’s no difference between yes and no.

Discoveries

I don’t know what itch I scratch for you or what hole I fill I'm nothing extraordinary and I’m definitely not worth your time if I'm not there physically but somehow you continue to believe that I can do something for you. I don’t mind at all because I want to get to know you. You were put into my path for a reason I know that to be true just because the way the puzzle pieces fall into place is too perfect for it to just be by chance. I want to be with you but I don’t know what to do considering there are so few moments between us two. But I know that you make me smile and I would like you to stay a while I don’t mind going through your trial if you stay with me every mile. I’ll wait and see where this goes but girl I already know that ive never met anyone like you before. Nor will another come knocking on my door who I would like to know more or give everything for the times we have in store. Now I know that’s lookin forward but I can’t help but wait and see where we go on our first real date and when somethings hanging on your heart like a heavy weight I want to be the one you run to to cure your forlorn state. I don’t think I'm wrong when I say I’ve waited so long for someone like you to come along.

Living the Dream

I have found my wings, my voice so i can sing my eyes so i can see what I'm doing. With my thoughts laid out as I listen to the sound of a new love quickly brewing. Here I stand as i hold out my hand I think you should come grab ahold and see where we land maybe in the sand and before us an ocean of gold. I just can’t see anything past you and me and that big oak tree with that gentle breeze kissing us both as it rolls by. And with its goodbye I still feel I can fly because you take me high. And with cliché in the air we both lay there no need to ruin it with a care but I can’t help but stare at the beauty that was put right beside me. I don’t think you’ll ever know how deep this dream is sewn right down to the core of my soul but I just want to let you know that that’s right where it belongs. And as long as it stays I can keep up the pace of life’s long race and what’s more I can actually live in it because soon instead of dreamin about it I can be livin it. That’s all I want is for you and me to be livin it.

Pandora's Box

I've pushed and I've pulled I've coaxed but still like a mule, more stubborn than I, it stayed and it stared with no time to spare as it was busy being bare and naked in its lair with no need to wear the wool lies and the satin deceit and the leather boastfulness that i then adorn myself in.

But then it steps, out into the light and I feel a slight bit of regret as it rears its ugly head and suddenly I'm its pet as I am at the mercy of its beckon call. The grass is always greener on the other side, but now that I stand in it, I can see with my own eyes, that its just an illusion, just dirt with green dye. And while, here I stand, all that I find is an uneasy stomach and a battered up mind that keeps messing up the time, and dropping the rhyme and isn't worth half a dime but at the same time it is priceless. For inside it, it holds, the hopes and the woes, the key to the soul of the man who beholds the turning of the hand and the print of the step.

And if its worth it or not, I'm not yet sure. Should I have spend so much time with my bait and my lure? Only time will tell as with the waring of rocks, what lies at the end of Pandora's Box

Ablaze

Here's one slightly more uplifting

Ablaze

Whenever i'm in despair over wanting something i dont have. i simply remember something always makes me laugh. i remember that to want to bliss. Confused? then consider this. a tree wants only water dirt and sun and if it is to live gets each and every one. But the thing is that a tree isnt very fun. Id prefer the life of a fire always wanting always burning with desire such a way does leave me inspired although much is required by the time its expired its lived a full life indeed. So you see in regards to me the life of a fire is the one lead for to get all you want without a little jaunt is enough to haunt my ever-curious soul taunt my adventruous heart. so when i die and the glint fades from my eye not a moment will flash by where i chose to be satisfied. instead i always chose the dance of the flame that will never be tamed, it and i are one and the same and so we shall remain until the last little ember burns out

To Fly

So i'm not entirely sure how this works so if it isn't perfect bare with me i'll get it eventually.

i've recently been lifted up by a girl and everything was going great but rather unexpectedly i had the floor pulled out from under me. I usually bounce back from these things but i couldn't shake this one so i wrote this tell me what you think

To Fly

To truly be free, how nice it would be, to jump in the air without a care of falling maybe here or there, not landing anywhere. Not bound by the laws that show us our flaws not on the map the draws out our lives going on without a cause. We are all given the opportunity to fly but by the time we realize its too late to even try so why even bother? Its never known how most of our chances are blown, that we possibly could have flown but went down the wrong path. Like the trail which you blaze is thickly covered with haze, you find yourself in a daze for days and are stuck thinking of ways to improve the situation. You drudge and judge whether its worth it to drag through the mud or if the excursion is a dud throughout being “happy” with your stud. But little did you know that you had only just to go a little further so that you could see the reality of how blissful you could be on a path much more free that could accentuate your beauty and allow you to be yourself fully and truly. This path is my runway but now I just want to run away because you continue to go his way. It hurts to watch your wings remain stuck and your flap is lost in a rut but its just my luck that I'm in no position to clean off the muck like an oil spill on a duck but instead I’ll smile so you can keep yours and I’ll tell you that you two are off the Richter even though I know he’s your restrictor. And if the day never comes then I hope you have fun as you continue to run fatigued by the heat of the sun believing that you have won the ultimate prize. But should the day come that the spell has been undone and your world has been completely torn apart and it feels like you heart will never be the same like a thrown dart to the brain and your life starts to move in the far right lane, I’ll be your shoulder on which you can cry, I’ll be your springboard off of which you can try to build up the strength to once again fly and soar high and pass the world by. And I wont move from my spot until you tell me you don’t want me there that you can stand up bare without me as your armor and that you yourself harbor the strength you need to go out and succeed. This, this is my creed for my heart mind and soul to read that I will use to breed the courage that I need to continue my life of servitude knowing that with it I will never be rude and as long as it stands there will never be a feud between want and do. You can’t want something that isn’t possible to do. So I won’t want to fly because I won’t have you.